It has been 4 days since Reece's surgery and 4 days since I heard him say "I love you".
I waited over 3 years to hear him say those words and I'm not happy about losing even a few days of hearing them. I know that Reece is dealing with his surgery in his way. I can't let my mind go to what he might remember about it and his autism will never allow him to communicate it to me. Perhaps that is a blessing. But I miss my sweet angel telling me he loves me and snuggling with me. He wants me near but keeps me at a safe distance. His eyes are blank and are missing the sparkle. I miss my little guy. I miss my lovins.
I asked him if he was mad at us for making him have his tonsils out and thus being the reason that he's hurting. He just shook his head "no". After waiting so long for him to talk, it is scary to have him retreat into himself like this.
None of the books about "having your tonsils out" address it from the autistic child perspective or for the autistic child's parent. Perhaps that is a void I can help fill...
